A New Goal in Power Struggles

February 12, 2015 Kai Kunkel

My 5 year old threw her backpack and demanded I carry it home from school. She stared right at me, defiant. Heat rose up to my face.

In the past, I used power struggles to teach kids respect and responsibility.
I would have locked eyes with her, insisted she follow directions and laid out the consequences if she didn't. I would have wanted to teach her to be respectful of me and responsible for her belongings.

But my underlying goal would have been to get her to comply for fear that she may take advantage of me in the future and grow up spoiled.

She would have complied.

After really examining my own feelings during power struggles I set a new goal.
During such a power struggle I feel mad and righteous with a hardened heart. Those feelings are red flags to me that something's amiss. I thought through my motivation for using power struggles to teach respect and responsibility. "I'm afraid that she may take advantage of me in the future and grow up spoiled." I heard my fear.

Secure Your Own Oxygen Mask Before Helping Others (Prize Inside)

October 13, 2014 Kai Kunkel

We nannies don't have to teach kids how to read, write or multiply fractions. Instead, we teach them to:

Make friends
Use their manners
Take the right risks
Become independent
Fix problems with words
Bounce back from failures
Stay calm when they're mad
Be creative, courageous and kind
Persevere in the face of a challenge
Follow directions but think for themselves, and
Everything else they need to know to become awesome adults

No problem, we got this. On one condition.

Teaching Kids Responsibility

May 30, 2014 Kai Kunkel

Me: "Where's your lunch box?"
Kindergartener: "I thought you had it."

Grrr. The day before she forgot her backpack. So I stopped and thought about why.

Let Kids Save Face

May 16, 2014 Kai Kunkel

Some kids hear their names a lot. I recall a little guy in a childcare center who heard his name all day. "Sam, come down from there! Sam, walk please. Sam, stop it!" Sam had a hard time following the rules. His behavior and his attitude chipped away at the patience of us childcare providers. He needed lots of reminders. We started resenting that - resenting him.

I think now about how he must have felt hearing his name shouted across the room.

Let's Label Behaviors, Not People

March 28, 2014 Kai Kunkel

She's shy. He's aggressive. What a good helper. You're a born leader. I'm a picky eater.

Invitation to Play

March 26, 2014 Kai Kunkel

Do you know this routine?

You: "Want to draw?"
Kid: "No."
You: "Want to do puzzles?"
Kid: "No."
You: "Want to build with Legos?"
Kid: "No."

One Fun Way to Clean Up

March 10, 2014 Kai Kunkel

...I looked around at the mess in the playroom and decided to try that trick with the kids. But we used books instead of TV.

Shamelessly Wielding, "Because I Said So"

March 2, 2014 Kai Kunkel

Probably the most important principle in my work as a nanny is that children deserve the same amount of respect as adults. But that doesn't mean they should hold the same amount of power.

Walking with Kids Without Chasing or Nagging

February 24, 2014 Kai Kunkel

Remember calling out, "olly olly oxen free" while playing hide and seek? That same confident, friendly tone works well when giving kids directions. I use it while walking down the sidewalk with 5 kids in tow